Reflections of a brown girl

It´s almost the end of June. After a short visit back home, I realized just how much I missed everyone. How much I missed my Mom cooking way too much food whenever I came home. How much I missed being with my best friend, Angie or meeting my girls for some amazing flan in Somerville. And, of course missing my other half, Bobby. Usually, I would feel that discussing such a personal thing on a blog would be inappropriate. However, I realized that it´s because of these personal relationships and experiences that I´m here today.

As I got on my flight in Boston, I felt confident for the first time about leaving. I thought, I know I can do this. But, I honestly did not realize just how difficult it would be all over again. By the time I reached Miami, it sunk in. I realized I would not be back in the U.S till next year. Furthermore, the thought of not seeing my boyfriend for so long really made me wonder why I was doing all of this.

When I first came to Ecuador, I received a lot of criticism for ¨leaving¨ Bobby. So much so, that I wondered whether any of my decisions were right. But, my decision to come here was not to run away from anyone, but rather find new perspective. I wanted to step outside of my comfort zone—and well, I did.

There were days where I cried myself to sleep because I just wasn´t ready to be here. Physically , my body was a wreck, trying to adjust to hormones after thyroid cancer. My levels were not okay and quite often I felt exhausted. While the physical effects were there, not many people really grasped the emotional roller coaster one goes through after cancer treatment. I went from believing I was a perfectly healthy female to being diagnosed with a very treatable form of thyroid cancer. Treatment which includes getting your hormone levels up takes several months. By the time I got to Ecuador, a little over a month had passed. Knowing that I wasn´t completely well only contributed to my stress. Still, I questioned why I was here.

It was only after teaching that I started to feel alive again. I began to develop friendships with people I worked with and finally began to experience what Ecuador had to offer. I stopped questioning why I was here but it was only yesterday as I lost myself as I stood over-looking the city of Quito that I realized where my focus had been. I was focusing too much of my energy on what I thought I lost. I began to see what I was gaining; the experience to grow and nurture my body and mind. No longer did it feel it was foreign. No longer did I feel alone. No longer did I question.